LAFEKKEN'S: SQUAT, I KNOW!

Let me introduce you to the unique Writer Deutschland Axmith Mac Geurkey or

DeutAxMac, as he likes to be called.  He was born 15 November 1965 in a small Michigan town to simple folk parents.  His unusual name was based on a song his Mother loved that later he found out did not exist.  His Mother was just very eccentric and made up the famous, only known to her, song herself. 

His Father, a hardened Factory Worker, was strict yet kind to little DeutAxMac as a child.  The one thing his Father couldn’t tolerate was DeutAxMac’s love of dolls.  His Father caught his son one day when he was 5 years old feeding his doll Billy and it sent his Father into a rage, “NO SON OF MINE IS GOING TO ACT LIKE A LITTLE MOMMY!”  His Father threw the doll into the garbage can and gave his son a bag of lawn darts. 

In DeutAxMac’s room his eyes full of tears he played with his new toys and named all the lawn darts.  He even made up outfits for them out of paper, felt and old underwear.

As his world of the Lawn Dart People grew to include miscellaneous gardening tools he developed his unusual way of story telling.  His sweet nursery rhythms written for his identical quadruplets about Siamese dogs made of steel and clay, children turning into sprinklers, etc… not only take him back to his childhood, but us as well.

His teen life was difficult to impossible.  His Mother went through a stage of dressing him like Lord Byron frills and all.  In his own words he told me,“ It was hard enough to be excepted for just being an awkward teenage boy, but when you are made to dress like a fancy pants Poet it was no doubt a disaster.  Getting a wedgie with the underwear of Lord Byron’s era of dress took me at least a day to pull all the material out of my colon!”

He told me his Mother was mentally fragile and he was obliged to give into her soft demands.  Sure she would see him come home bruised and bloodied, but she would share with him stories of great Hero’s who had been through the same things.  Unfortunately, DeutAxMac found out these “Hero’s” his beloved Mother spoke of didn’t exist either.

His Mother died when DeutAxMac was 18 during the Fall of his last year of High School.  She dressed up like a deer to surprise him on his birthday by coming through the woods.  She always dressed up like an animal or character for her only child’s birthday.   As she leapt through the woods she must’ve got carried away and became hopelessly lost, not unusual for her.  Apparently she was climbing a fence to one of the dirt roads that snaked through their rural area.  It was during hunting season and she was shot dead.  They had her buried in that deer suit, because she would’ve wanted it that way.  Instead of flowers they had bouquets of carrots and apples around the gravesite.  Sadly the outfit was a rental and her body had to be exhumed.  “It was horribly embarrassing. The Village costume maker was in a coma and the High School was doing a performance of Bambi so they really wanted the outfit back and well it was a rental,” DeutAxMac told me.                            

DeutAxMac went to Markdown Community College and studied the basics.  It is there he met his first wife Becky Humpshere.  She was a perky, poofy, blonde haired, green-eyed darling Nursing student. But after accidentally falling into a tray of surgical instruments she lost three fingers ((they did find them by the way)) she changed her occupation to Accounting. 

DuetAxMac and Becky were married after they graduated.  She went to work and DeutAxMac with his Associates of Liberal Arts Degree went out to discover that the majority of employers don’t seem to see the value of a Liberal Arts Degree. 

DuetAxMac began writing tales of his life and great imagination, people were more responsive to that.  His stories are so many and varied I can’t get it all in this overview.  I can assure you what I write here is so limited and tame to DeutAxMac’s life there is so much more to him it will amaze you!

I will post some of his brilliant writings, he is one of the greatest Writer's that ever lived!

I Love

discussing

Heartbeats

every thud

and

Well surprise, surprise the good people of Michigan get screwed again!

Because of some weird behavior by our obviously INSANE Michigan politicians the Democrat Presidential Candidates refuse to be involved in our primary election.  Somehow Lansing will chose who will be our Republican Nominee for President.  They can't even run out State right and now they will be able to chose the Rep. Pres. Nom. ignoring our primary votes.

I believe a secession is in order!  Lansing and Detroit have no regards for the rest of us and our needs.  I say we  become NorthWest Michigan we will keep the lakeshore and then inland at a certain point it will become SouthEast Michigan.  There is no need for us to be united the powers below us have made that choice for us. Hey, The Dakotas, Carolinas, and Virginia are seperate it would work for us too. 

Salut SUCKERS!  The mitten has a run in it!

VOTE McCAIN!

!!!!!!!!!!

Alright if you want to stop smoking, eat your cigs instead of lighting them up you might be able to kick the habit.  Of course you would be barfing and lose nutrients, so maybe this is a bad idea.

As i read in the Jan 2008 Good Housekeeping, one of the multitude of mags my twin sister bought me from my nephews school mag sale, i came across an article on how to quit smoking.  I have many friends who smoke and i have no idea how to help them, but now i do!

Eat foods that make cigs taste even more funky.  The top of their list were: fruit, veggies,dairy products and non-caffeinated beverages, especially juice and water.

They also suggest if you have a cig craving then go for a brisk walk((MINUS the CIGS)) and get into healthy and away from stinky and stained.

God speed to you all my brothers and sisters.        

There is no secret i am voting McCain for President.

If he doesn't win then i will have a real struggle before me.

Who else would i vote for?

Well after consulting the bones.  It came to pass that wild dogs will swoop in and steal the bones biting my hand severely and i will need stitches.

Bones and voting don't mix. 

I just want a President who is full of action and not just blowing hot air.

Show your rebel side,

your wild side,

your improving the USA side up and running

VOTE McCain!  

*BARKS LIKE DOG, HOWLS AND SKIPS AWAY*

...watch the scary, provocative film "Subject Two."

It is a modern take on the monster Frankenstein.

The creepy thing is it really seemed believable.

I find plots that are possible in a scary film adds to the level of terror.

If you could love forever, yet would have to do it without feeling, would you?

I hope you don't pass on "Subject Two."

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I haven't been here in a while!

My haunted house was screwing with me and messed with my electronics et all.

My 9 year old son slid into the path of a truck yesterday.  He is always doing stupid stuff like this, so if i seem perturbed I AM!  Just the night before he stabbed me in the back with a screwdriver.  We have a contemptuous relationship.  We are too much alike, plus he is more pigheaded than i.  He has severe mental problems and being they are of a bi-polar nature he is hard to live with.  His meds wear off when he gets home from school.  I had thought of homeschooling him, but that would probably end in a homocide; though i do not know whose?

I can tell you between the haunted house and the haunted child my life is NEVER dull!

Glad to be back y'all!~`La      

Now I’ve seen plenty of movies that are hard to watch, but at least they had some semblance of trying to tell a story.  

That does NOT apply to the movie “The RAVEN” supposedly based on the poem by Edgar Allen Poe! 

It was the most confusing and dull gorror movie I have ever seen!

I LOVE Edgar Allen Poe and if I were him I would come back to life and scream at the morons that made that movie to remove his name and likeness from that bowl floater!

It wasn’t the actors faults, they did their best which made it worse. 

It’s one thing to see a movie with really bad actors it gives you more to mock.

It was sad to see the wasted, promising, acting

talent on this groaner.

This movie wouldn’t even be fun if you were on the best drugs ever made. 

You’d be all high and then this movie would bring you crashing to earth and you’d be left with gut-wrenching, cinematic disappointment!

Then you would have to become a serial killer of people who made this crappy movie!

What was the deal with Mother Superior in a fake Halloween Nun outfit, ugh?!

The Priest, his assistant and the Nun being all cool leaving the church to fight evil as the church janitor in the background makes sure they just walk through and leave the church so he can lock up.  WHA?!!

An Edgar Allen Poe look-a-like stands over the pretty lead when she is in bed fighting bad dreams over and over. 

She felt guilty for throwing a hair-dryer in the tub with her boyfriend killing him.  

He returns to kill her friends off one-by-one; lucky them at least they got out of this movie unscathed!

This movie made no sense and I am still sickened by the total lack of entertainment I have endured. 

I would rather be chased down and slowly eaten by a flock of starving, flesh-eating humming birds, than watch “The RAVEN” again!   

I have not paid for TV since 2002, because my neighbors are so entertaining with their stories and quirky lives.

Then there are the neighbors that aren’t obviously entertaining, but I play with their minds thus making them more entertaining!

Our neighbor who is all doped up about buying into some money-whore technology business  

desperately wants us to come listen to his sales vomit and then pay $299 to belong to this special group that will somehow give discounts on modern technologies. 

But then, you have to tell so many people and get them all signed up and blah, blah, blahhhhh!

Why in the world would he want us in his network of greed? 

Because my man, Glen, does a ton of volunteering in our area and most everyone knows him.

So this neighbor we will call him “PiS,” kept dogging us. 

Now I am a nice person and I let him go on and on until my brain was numb about his company GAD! 

THEN he wanted me to bully Glen to get into it.

Marriage is hard enough without me bullying my man. 

((I DO NOT bully Glen, unless it is in BED!)).

We talked and Glen wasn’t interested and so we dropped it, but not PiS he just won’t give up!

Then PiS tells us he can get us a discount on our phone service. 

He talked to my man and came over this morning to sign us up.

WELL!  His phone service would cost me the same as what I pay now with less services.

I told him,

“I can get a better deal than that!”

He said in a smartarse way,

“Sure but you buy a cheaper service and you get what you pay for!”

I replied with a big grin,

“Yes but it’s still CHEAPER!”

Then PiS went soft and claimed,

“Well Glen wanted to sign up with our phone system to do us a favor and support our business.”

PiS wouldn’t stop and if you know me I am great at nonsense talk. 

You can ask as many questions as you like, but I will find some reason you are wrong and then go on and on in a different direction so you can’t remember what you asked!

But I am very nice when I talk to people.  I want them to feel that they are at fault and I am just an innocent bystander. 

It worked!

Later, PiS did call Glen and try to get me in trouble with him, for not signing up.  

But Glen Loves my mouth and whatever I do with it pleases him. 

If I said I didn’t want the phone service, then it wasn’t going to happen.

I’m sure if anyone can make a fortune as a money-slut PiS can.  

GO, PiS!

I mean it!

GO! PiS! 

**)

2altfolio 454

I would Love to have

my “wiretapped” as

it were.

Alas I am not

important or

threatening enough

to be “tapped.”

In my humbly,

unassuming life I

don’t rate personally,

professionally or

governmental intrusionally!

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

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